You wake up, flawless, post up, flawless.

▶ Beyonce - Flawless - Video Dailymotion

Today was a kind of crappy day.  2013 has been a year filled with a lot of great things, but also some not-so-great things, and I feel like today was 2013's final little kick to my ribs, that will leave a little bruise, but that will heal super quickly. 

However, this bruise has left me spending a lot of time today having great venting conversations with my friends, which have left making me feel better in ways, but also super angry.

I am basically fucking sick and tired of all of the bullshit placed on women in this culture.

What has me especially bristling today is that I've been told, on more than one occasion, that I'm super smart, which is great (obvs) but I need to be careful, and perhaps tone it down a bit, because it can super intimidating for men.

Has a man EVER been told to tone down his intelligence, ever??  EVER?  Fuck no.

And it's fucking bullshit that as I'm writing this, a little voice in my head is telling me to tone this down, that if I write this, I'm going look like I'm conceited/prideful/boasting/bragging about my intelligence and that I'd better point out that "oh no, I'm not that smart, there's tonnes of stuff that I don't know." 

Well fuck that.  You know what, I'm smart.  And I worked hard to be this way.  I'm always trying to learn new things, improve my brain, and I worked hard to get to where I have to be.  And that's cool and I'm proud of it.  And if someone is intimidated by that, let them run away.

I've spent today thinking about all of the bullshit that's been thrown at me this year.  And I feel really angry because I know that all of these are criticisms that don't get thrown at men.  Women in our society are constantly being cut up, and criticized for being one way or another, yet they can never get it right no matter what.  You can't be too smart, but not too dumb either.  Don't dress like a prude, that's not sexy, but you'd better not dress like a whore either.  It's not modern to be a homemaker, but how dare you put your career before your family.

It goes on and on, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to fill in the variables into a formula that will make me an acceptable human being.  But do you know what?  There is no solution.

Besides my intelligence being too intimidating, here's some shit that's been lobbed at me this year (and I paraphrase):

"It's great that you are working out and exercising, but don't get too skinny, because you don't want to lose your ass."  I'm just a collection of body parts, you know.

"I don't understand why you are spending so much effort making your body look better, yet your hair isn't right."  Yes, the reason why I decided to work out and eat healthy this year was so I would look better for men, and had nothing to do with improving my own physical/mental well-being.  Which I guess is pointless because you don't like my hair.  There was a lot of shit I heard about my hair this year.  So ridiculous.

"You're not a team-player."  This is because I ask questions.  Of course, men who ask questions were allowed to play on the team.

"You shouldn't talk very much about travel, because it sounds like you are bragging."  I work hard to earn/save money so I can travel and have life experiences.  Why can't I bring them up?  Why does it make you feel bad that I've been places?

"You have to let the man take the lead.  As soon as you take the lead, it'll be too much for them and will scare them off."  OF COURSE!  I just need to follow blindly!  Silly me for asking for what I want.

"You're too much of a good girl/too sweet/too nice."  Sorry that I have a moral compass and that I value kindness.  The irony is that if I acted in another manner, I'd be called a bitch, a slut, or a whore.

 I vented some of this to my awesome friend AlieMalie, and she sent me the above link to the above Beyonce song, which is amazing and makes me feel amazing.  I've read a bit about the surprise album that Beyonce released a week ago, and I'm finally getting to listening to it now.  She's been getting a lot of praise for the feminist message to the album, but also, some criticism too, because women never get things right.  (Compare with all of the male musicians who release music with completely misogynistic messages to almost unanimous critical acclaim.)

My favourite part of the song is a spoken word excerpt by feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie:

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller
We say to girls: "You can have ambition, but not too much
You should aim to be successful, but not too successful
Otherwise, you will threaten the man"
Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is most important
Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are
Feminist: a person who believes in the social
political, and economic equality of the sexes

She nails it.  This is exactly how I feel our society views women.  You need to be ________ but not too ____________ or it will threaten the man.

My friend AlieMalie pointed out that "men get a pass on everything that society rips women for, and it has to stop."

It'd be great to get a pass for being intelligent, outspoken, ambitious, experienced, successful, sexual, accomplished, and all the ways that men in our society get to be without criticism.  That's all I want, and that's all that feminists want, and all this long ranting post is about.  I just want to be able to be proud of my accomplishments, and not to be ripped apart for my flaws.

And I'm going to start by stopping being critical of myself for how I am, and by stopping being critical of other women for how they are.

And I'm going to be unashamedly and unabashedly proud of how awesome I am, because god damn, I'm flawless.