I'm standing up there in a weakened state, and it's not great.

Now that I’ve given my blog this snazzy makeover, I like being able to see my years of blogging neatly categorized into years over on my sidebar.

I’ve been blogging for four calendar years now. 2005 was when I started blogging. I was such a new teacher that year; I think most of my energy was spent earning my stripes as a teacher and getting a handle on my career, especially working in the challenging environment that is my school.

When I think of 2006, what stands out is the end of the year when I was struggling with not one, but two parents being quite ill. This was one of the hardest times of my life, and looking back I’m not sure how I mustered the strength to hold myself together, to keep working, and to travel back and forth to Stratford almost every weekend. But somehow I did.

2007 was the year I got a lot of things in my life in order. I felt that this was the year that I became the better, happier me that I’d always wanted to be, and I had great focus during that year.

However, I’ve felt that I’ve lost some of the determination, strength, and focus that I possessed in those earlier years during 2008. I’ve lost sight of some things that are important to me, and filled my life with things that are supposed to make me feel better, but don’t, really.

I guess what I’d really like is for the 2005/2006/2007 versions of me to come kick the current version of me in the ass and get me back on the right track. Of course, determining the right track is always a little tricky, but I’d trust those girls to find it a lot more than I’d trust this girl here.

Okay, pity party out. Back to regularly scheduled fluff in future posts. Writing that down has just made me feel a heck of a lot better. Also, the upcoming Thanksgiving weekend with a *free* trip home and not one, but two get-togethers with my fabulous friends from high school, who are so are so great at anchoring me, and who are great at reminding me how awesome I am. A trip back home will root me far better than a Coach purse, a late night out partying, endless social butterflying, shoes I don't need, ice cream, caffeinated beverages, or an overpriced hoodie ever will.

This part of the day bewilders me.

Happy autumnal equinox! This really should be my favourite day of the year, since fall is my favourite season, but it's really been fall in my books since I had to put on the ol' teacher threads and be back in that mode. So really, today's not really the beginning of anything for me, but today's Google logo made me a little bit happy.

My iPod has wisdom in it that astounds me. When I put it on shuffle, it can often find just the right song to cheer me up. Lately, I've been feeling a little bit on the emo side. This could be the result of listening to too much emo, or not enough emo. It's a deliciate balance, I think. Anyhow, my iPod's been giving me a lot of Weakerthans and Christine Fellows in the mix which makes me feel less emo, and more autumnal, and more content. So good for it.

Speaking of Christine Fellows, I just found out that she's playing here in October, which means another potential concert for me. That will make #8. I've never had such a lineup in my life, but I like it.

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep with my usual case of the Sunday night blues, I was thinking about my logical/mathematical side. I don't know how many of you are familiar with Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences, but it's something that I've learned about many times in my educational path. When I've taken the quizzes, it turns out that my linguistic and interpersonal intelligences are rather high, but my logical/mathematical intelligence could kick their collective asses.

I've always liked the regularity of numbers. I have a deep longing/need for certainty in my life, and I think that's why I've always been drawn to numbers. Math was always my best class in school, and I loved it because I could always get the right answer. Even if I made a mistake, I loved that I could always find it and make sense of it. For those reasons, I've always been drawn to all things logical/mathematical. In fact, when I'm bored, I make up equations for myself to solve, and when I'm trying to calm myself down, I sometime recite my favourite formulas in my head. Yes, this would make most normal people probably more upset, but it does the trick for me.

Anyway, I got to thinking how I wished there were equations that I could solve for many things that I am uncertain of in life. Or even if there was some grand equation that could explain human behaviour. Life would be so much simpler then. I've actually come across books that try to attempt such things in a semi-jokey/semi-serious way, but I see right through their assumptions in a heartbeat.

Right now I'm trying to figure something out, and I think I'm on the right track, but a formula would really be helpful is all I'm saying.

Also, you may be wondering why I'm not a math teacher. Well, it's so hard to explain numbers to someone who can't make sense of them when they are so clear to me. I sometimes teach math, but I've been lucky enough to teach science most of the time, and the rest of the time I have my class for remedial type kids who are working on every subject under the Sun, including math. Anyway, I steer clear of math, because it often makes me want to weep when someone just can't get it. Not that I blame them; I understand some people's brains just aren't wired that way. No big deal. I can't even throw a softball or draw a straight line or sing on key so I can't judge. And I know there are a lot of people who would get frustrated trying to show me how to do those things.

Anyway, I think what I'm trying to say is that if there were nice equations for everything in life I would be far less emo, but since there are not, my iPod can often do the trick for me. I just may have taken a couple points away from my linguistic intelligence with this post.