Coffee at the airport bar.

I always get to airports too early.  This morning I'm off to Las Vegas (first time ever) for adventures with my friend Claire, who flew there with her husband en route to Hawaii.

Anyhow, to save money, I took the TTC out to the airport, and because I like to avoid rush hour and leave nothing to chance, I got here pretty early.  Also, who knew what kind of havoc the Pan Am games would wreak upon the airport.  The answer, is not much.  Apart from having to dodge a large group of people wearing Mexican track suits, it's pretty quiet here.  The check-in, customs, and security lines were all swift, and I was at my gate in about twenty minutes.

Extra airport time is always fun if you're in the shopping Mecca that is Heathrow, or even Terminal 1 here in Toronto.  However, I'm sadly sequestered in the US departure section of Terminal 3.  I was craving the idea of a Tim Horton's breakfast sandwich, however, a pane of glass separates me from that as it is (unsurprisingly) located in the Cdn departures section.

Instead, I found one of those ubiquitous airport restaurants/bars, where I just finished a surprisingly good wrap and I'm drinking coffee and staring at a lot of booze at the bar ahead of me.  Thanks for free wifi, I can use this time to catch up on blogging, emails, and the like.

I've had a fun past few days.  On Tuesday and Wednesday of last week I took in some free Panamania  concerts at Nathan Phillips Square (my beloved and often seen Joel Plaskett Emergency, and my Canadain guilty pleasure pop punk Marianas Trench).  I love the spirit the games are bringing to the city and I'm kind of sad that I'll be missing out on Stars and LIGHTS next week.  (But I've seen them both before and Vegas awaits.)  There will still be more free shows into August for the ParaPanAm games, so no loss.

Also, I am cool with Kanye playing the closing ceremonies.  Torontonians are annoying complainers. (Although I would have been happier if they chose Drake!)

I also got my hair cut and my nails done for my trip.  Then I did a decent cleaning job of my place and cooked dinner for a friend on Friday night which I haven't done in FOREVER.  My stove was like WTF, I'm sure.

I went shopping at Vaughn Mills with my pal Vern on Saturday, and then on Sunday went to the Jays game where they played like they always should.  In the evening, as I was doing laundry, I streamed the gold medal baseball match between Canada and the USA.  It was one of the most exciting and wildest baseball games I've seen.  Fun!

Well, I apologize if this post is full of errors because I don't feel like proofreading.  I think I'm going to splurge on a magazine, and go read that until my flight.

Everything Must Go!

I can distinctly remember when I started listening to The Weakerthans.  In the year 2000, I was in university, and used Naspter (!) to download songs via my slow UTORdial internet connection.  I would read about bands in Chart magazine (of which I received a printed copy in the mail), and if they sounded interesting from an article, I'd download a song or two and based upon my small sample size, I'd buy the album.

My decision to sample some Weakerthans' songs was based upon their name; I thought it was cool.  In retrospect, I can say that as someone who has tended toward self-reflective introversion all of my life, I've always been attracted to art that explores the concept of weakness, hence I would obviously be attracted to a band that has the word "weaker" in its name.  Even better, I soon discovered that many of their songs explored a theme of home, and maybe feeling slightly alienated from your home, and I dug that.

I bought their album Left & Leaving on my 21st birthday.  My birthday used to always fall on reading week when I was in university, so I went home to Stratford for the break.  It was not a fun birthday.  I was recovering from a truly awful case of strep throat, so no parties were had, and I could barely eat food (not for lack of hunger, but for extremely sore throat).  All I remember was that by the time the day rolled around, I felt good enough to hop in my parents' car, drive to the CD store and buy the album and then spend the rest of reading week listening to it in my discman well I shook off the rest of my illness.

I think the Weakerthans became my absolutely favourite band once I saw them live.  I saw them that summer in a now-closed punk rock club called The Reverb on Queen St.  I went with my friend Eric, who hadn't heard of them, but was game for a random night out.  By that time, they were trying out some new songs that would end up on their album Reconstruction Site.  Eric ended up loving them because of a lyric "I've had a really nice time; but my dogs need to fed" which he interpreted as the singer having dinner with a beautiful woman and leaving because his dogs were more important.  Anyone who values animals over such trivial matters has a place in my friend Eric's heart.  (I think the song is actually about an Antarctic explorer having hallucinations, but I've never told Eric that because he remembers the lyric and the concert fondly to this day.)

I saw The Weakerthans a lot in years 2001-2003 in small rock venues all over the city.  They played a lot of songs from Reconstruction Site during that time frame.  When that album came out, the songs felt like familiar old friends, and it remains one of my favourite albums of all time.

I have lots of other great memories entwined with this band.  There was the time when they were playing in Hamilton and Becca T and I took the GO bus to see them, but had to stay overnight in a Tim Hortons because the last back to the city was at 11 pm, just as the band would be hitting the stage.  The first bus back to the city was Sunday at 5 am, and we were university students who would not want to splurge on a hotel overnight, so an all-night Timmy's it was.

Years later, they played that same venue in Hamilton, and since we were both gainfully employed, we were going to rent a car to go to the show, but then at the last minute Becca couldn't go.  However, my colleague (now lifelong friend) Nancy was good to drive to the show.  She had a great time at the show, and commented that she'd never seen me quite so happy as I was at a Weakerthans' show.

If you've actually made it this far in this post, I congratulate you.  It's mainly a stream of consciousness of memories of my favourite band spurred on by the fact that it was outed today on Twitter that the band is no more.  The guitarist had made comment to CBC Music, and then the drummer also confirmed it in a tweet.  It's really no surprise; they haven't had an album since 2007, and haven't played in forever.  I missed them the last time they played Toronto.  It was part of RiotFest, and I'd just returned from Kenya and didn't feel like sending $75 to see they play for 45 minutes while I was jetl-agged.  Next time, I thought!  Silly me.

I'm pretty sure the last (and I guess final) time I saw The Weakerthans play as a proper band was in 2010 at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre down at the Ex with a boyfriend-at-the-time who wasn't really into them, but kind enough to go with me.  The Queen E Theatre isn't huge, but a far cry from the little punk bar where I first saw them.  I don't remember specifics about the show, but I'm sure they played all my favourites and I smiled my super-happy-I'm-at-a-Weakerthans'-show smile.

Musicians probably never get to know how much their music means to their fans.  It's kind of crazy that songs get written, released, and played at shows.  However, it's kind of crazy that these songs written by complete strangers become the soundtrack to my life, and when I listen to them, they bring back so many memories and take on meaning to my own life that might not even be connected to their lyrics.  

When I remember shows, I do sometimes remember the music, but I usually remember who I went with, what was going on in my life at the time, how much fun we had at show, and events surrounding the show (Becca T and I almost freezing to death in Hamilton before finding that Tim Horton's; Nancy smelling like horse at the show because she had horse lessons before we went).

I had always hoped to see The Weakerthans live in their hometown of Winnipeg.  And I was doing so well at reaching that dream!  Thanks to this blog, I have a couple of good friends who live in Winnipeg, so I have a choice of couches to sleep on and people to see the show with.  I've just been waiting for that show to happen so I can fly out for it.  Sigh, I guess it won't happen.

Although, the title of their last album is Reunion Tour, so perhaps there is hope for my Winnipeg-Weakerthans trip yet.  Also, their buddies The Constantines have been riding the reunion thing for the past year.  (Ah, Weakerthans/Cons shows, so many good memories!)

But for the time being, I'll miss my favourite band.

Changes

I decided to visit my parents for a "weekend" out of the city.  I put the word weekend in quotes because days of the week don't have much meaning to me in the summer. My weekend in Stratford is Saturday night to Monday night.

Today I went out for lunch with my friend Heather.   Many times we've met up in downtown Stratford, had a nice meal, and wandered the shops. After lunch we bee-lined to our favourite Stratford bookstore: The Book Vault. Of course, we got distracted along the way and ended up at the coffee shop.  Did we miss it somehow? We turned around and spent a good five minutes being utterly confused until we realized that the accounting firm next door had expanded into our beloved bookshop, which was gone forever.

We crossed the street to the other bookstore, but it wasn't the same. Our favourite bookstore had mad deals.

As we continued shopping around, I couldn't help but notice about the changes that have happened. Yes, a lot of my fave stores that I've been shopping at since I was a kid are still there, but I couldn't help but notice that my favourite stationery, shoe and clothing stores are gone. One of my favourite restaurants has been standing empty for quite some time, as are the spaces above and below that housed the sketchy nightclubs we frequented in our late teens/early twenties.  The biggest inn in town is now a Best Western, and the coffee shop across the street where we used to recount those sketchy nightclub nights, sits deserted. At least the Dairy Queen is still in business.

As we were ending our shopping, a lady stopped us and asked if we were from here, and I responded yes. She asked us where the Royal Bank was, and it took me a little longer than I'd like to remember. I realize that after all this time living in Toronto, I'm no longer the hometown expert that I used to be. There are lots of restaurants that I've never tried, and my favourite places are disappearing.

However, my heart was warmed to see that my childhood toystore still sells gimp by the metre and stickers by the square so some things are still constant.

Road trips and hangouts.

Made it back from my baseball road trip to Detroit.

We crossed the border and then went to the Eastern Market for some yummy pizza.  Then we headed to the hipster area for coffee and to see the abandoned train station. I really liked the train station.  Detroit is rather interesting because there is so much that is empty but it used to be very populous, and now it's less so.  It would be cool to have a time machine and go back to experience it in its heyday in the 1950s/1960s.

Speaking of that time frame, we tried to go to the Motown museum but it was sold out for the day.  Instead, we checked into our hotel and then headed downtown. There was a Tiffany clock in a building that my friend Vic wanted to see and it was an inside joke made funnier by the fact we saw it.

The game was really fun.  American ballparks have all the flash.  The game was dismal for the first seven innings; the Jays couldn't get a hit and the score was 8-0.  But, in the top of the eighth, the tides turned and the Jays scored six runs, much to the dismay of the Tigers' fans and the joys of the many Jays' fans who made the trip.  Unfortunately, they weren't able to get more in the ninth, but at least they made a comeback. After the game we were treated to some pretty nice 4th of July fireworks.

On Saturday, we mainly did some shopping.  I was very well behaved and only spent money at Trader Joe's.

Mathew made a nice collage of the trip.  You may wonder why there are scuba divers in the picture but that's because we listened to an episode of Dateline about mystery in the deep blue sea, I kid you not.

Since I've been back in TO, my house guest (Becca T) had to leave and then I had a chill two days of not much.  However, today one of my long-time blog pals was in town and we had brunch.  Tonight is dinner/movie with work pals.  Then tmrw is spa day.  Not too shabby.

Summer finances.

I feel that summer is expensive no matter if I stay home or travel lots.

Traveling is inherently costly: airfare, train fare, hotels, meals, attractions, and of course a little bit (or a lot) of shopping.

However, I question if I spend just as much when I stick around town.  Movies, coffees, concerts, lunches, drinks, and shopping all adds up.  I have to fill my time!

Becca T has been visiting, and today we met up w my friend Flora and did some shopping.  I told Becca to not let me buy anything, but she failed and I ended up with a new skirt and top from Anthropologie, a new tote, and new PJs.

Yesterday, I needed to go to Ikea, so I got a Zipcar for the trip and dropped money on a much-needed duvet cover (my old one ripped and could have quite possibly strangle me in my sleep), new pillows, a new mirror, and other assorted items.

On Sunday, I spent almost as much on a hot dog at the Jays' game, dinner at Marché, and then the spectacle that was the Nelly/TLC/NKOTB concert.

The point of this is maybe it would cost as much to summer abroad!

Best.

I have lots to blog about but I'm sleepy from a fun weekend.

The best part is that I do not have work tomorrow.

More later.

Hey look up!

I've decided my summer song is "Third Eye" by Florence + The Machine.  I can't find a decent version of it to link to, but, really just get her new album. It's great.

Weekends without the dagger of schoolwork to do dangling over my head are amazing.  Seriously, after ten months of never really feeling like I can relax, I can, and it's amazing.  I finished off OITNB season 3, chaperoned prom, watched lots of baseball, went to the movies to see Mad Max: Fury Road, and built a Mini Cooper out of Lego (because, I rock adulthood).

I super enjoyed Mad Max which is surprising because I don't typically like exciting movies.  It is all it's cracked up to be and I wish Imperator Furiosa was my spirit animal.

I've started to listen to my fave Mariah Carey songs in preparation for Las Vegas.  It's dangerous becuase, well, romanticism and all that.  I do better listening to stuff about misery like Los Campesinos!

Confession: I like Drake.  They played so much Drake at prom.

I find it hilarious that I'm 35 and go to prom and use it to update my playlists.

Did you know that Judy Blume wrote a new adult novel?  It was $15 at Indigo so I bought it and I'm going to read that.  I haven't finished a book in a long time.

Summer of Self Care

Well, I've made it through the tough slog that is the end of the school year.  Writing exams, photocopying the exams and assembling them into packages; getting through the last quizzes, tests, labs and projects; marking these last items and those other things that I've been avoiding for awhile; and wrapping up extracurricular activities.

Now all exams have been written by students, marked by me, marks have been entered and report cards are done.  I'm sitting in a hallway by the window doing my last official duty of the school year: monitoring the third floor during exams (so far so good).

Next week will be a flurry of cleaning up, meetings, parties, etc.  I'll be able to sleep in some days and the pace will not be hectic.

Before I know it, it'll be two months of freedom.  And I know what I need to do with it: take care of myself.

This year I let my worst habits get ahold of me.  I let work take over, and I let my exercise habits and food habits slide.  I ate junk food, drank too much to unwind, and stopped bringing my gym stuff to school, promising myself that I'd go home, and then go to the gym.  That would never happen because I would stay at work too late and then use that as an excuse.

I know that during the summer I need to make myself a schedule.  I want to wake up early, and get a good workout done in the morning.  I would like to give myself one household chore to each day (declutter a box, clean out a shelf, etc.), and then after that read, watch Netflix, be crafty, go to a different neighbourhood etc, cook something healthy, whatever.

I have a couple of small trips planned and I think that's all I want.  After years of big summer trips every year, I just want to chill.  I have a baseball road trip to Detroit, five days in Vegas and that's it. I want to take a couple of small road trips to visit friends and family but I want to be a homebody for two months.

I want to get back to running.

I want to eat lots of fruits and veggies, but also try a milkshake at this burger place that my friend's been raving about.

I want to go out less.  Is that crazy?

I want to do away with things that aren't working for me.

I just want to take better care of myself.

Winding Down

Right now I have absolutely nothing to mark.  It's a small preview of summer vacation for me before the official end of the school year.  My lovely period 1 class is writing their exam, and I have nothing really to do that wouldn't require me to leave the room or to make a lot of noise.  (Although I am feeling bad right now that I have a creaky chair and a couple of kids have creaky stools... I hate noise when I'm trying to think.  Sign of old age, perhaps?)

I got the rest of the term marking done over the weekend/this morning and I have all of my marks inputted plus report card comments in.  I am feeling, dare I say it, on top of things which felt like an impossibility a few weeks ago.  It goes to show you that the motto that Becca T and I coined back in our university days still rings true - "somehow it will all get done; it always does."

But these guys will get done in an hour, but I'll probably just mark their exams tomorrow while my period 2 class is writing their exam.

(I'm lucky.  I can arrange my room where kids are really far away from each other so cheating is impossible unless they have super duper vision.  Hence I can do stuff while they write.)

In other news, I'm super happy with baseball these days.  This 11-game win streak for the Jays is amazing.  Now, I am well aware they will eventually lose at some point; but I'm hoping they can get one more win in tonight to surpass the franchise record for a win streak.  I might even forgo my weekly hate-watching of The Bachelorette to watch the game tonight. (I can stream the crappy show online tomorrow, right?) Oh, and my pal Mathew and I have splurged on 100-level seats for Wednesday's game.  Last year, when the Jays were streaking, we vowed to splurge on good seats for a game, but then they started sucking so we didn't.  We've learned that you must take advantage of the moment before it's gone!  (But let's hope this level of baseball continues for the rest of the season, and dare I say it, into the playoffs.)

I've also been watching season 3 of Orange is The New Black.  I don't think this season will have the epic force of season 2, since the main villain got smooshed, but it's still very enjoyable.  I think my favourite part of the show is the backstories of all of the characteristics.  I just finished the episode that tells the story of Chang, the strange elderly Chinese woman that runs the commissary, and it was rather interesting.

And I'll be able to start reading again soon!  I can't remember the last book I finished; it must have been a month ago.

I love when the breakneck pace of the school year finally winds down.

Almost there.

I was going to write a post about an actual topic.  It's the twentieth anniversary of Alanis Morrissette's  Jagged Little Pill album and I can't believe I'm that old.  That album was important to me.

However, Netflix just released season 3 of Orange Is The New Black so I'm going to watch that.  Post will have to wait.

Tomorrow is my last day of teaching for the school year.  Next week is exams.

I have four sets of marking to do over the weekend.  That's manageable!  And no prep!  The stress levels are finally decreasing!

Likes and dislikes.

Likes:

1) Exciting baseball games like today's.

2) Sunshine and cool temperatures.

3) Naps.

4) These paleo brownie bites that I made.

5) Bobbleheads.  I lined up early to add Marcus Stroman to my collection.

6) My sports boyfriend Russell Martin.

7) Baseball hats.

8) The new Hawksley Workman album.

Dislikes:

1) End of year marking

Hives

Yesterday morning I woke up with hives all over my face.  It was awful.  I have no idea what caused it.  I have never had this happen to me before.  I haven't been using any new products or anything.

I had mussels for dinner on Saturday.  What if I'm developing a shellfish allergy?

They've gone down quite a bit, but my face is still blotchy, and my skin feels abnormally dry.  I hope it never happens again.  I didn't even want to leave my house.

***

On Friday night I completed my set of series 2 Simpsons Lego minifigures.

I am rocking adulthood.

Sitcom

Over the years it's become more and more evident to me that I work in really what is a sitcom.  It's the high school version of The Office, but no one interviews me.  (How I wish someone would!!) Often I look around for the cameras that might be filming me so I can make a face a la Jim or Pam.

On today's episode my class was happily at work doing a lab on lenses, when one of the secretaries came over the PA and said "would whoever removed the Scantron machine from the staff room please return it?"

I started laughing out loud.  "Oh no!  That's the worst news ever!  How am I supposed to mark multiple choice? By hand?  Oh man, guys, the teachers are all going to be panicking!"

But seriously, the big mystery to me is who in their right might moved the Scantron machine.  It's big, heavy and bulky.  Who the heck has that much Scantronning to do??  If you have a test, it takes maybe two minutes to zip thirty cards through...  The only big Scantronning job that I know of are student council elections, but it's me who uses it to count the ballots. And I don't take the bloody machine with me!  And that's not even til next week!

The sad part about being a character on a sitcom is that you don't get to see what's happening outside your own scenes.  I'm sure the whole Scantron machine moving incident and its return (it was back by the end of the day) was hilarious, but I didn't get to see it.  But my people are looking into getting the whole story.

Oh young lions.

Just got back from an amazing Constantines show at Massey Hall.  It was probably the loudest rock show I'd been to in quite some time.

I got into the Cons back in my early twenties because they were often playing shows with my beloved Weakerthans.  I slowly warmed up to them, and I was a superfan by the time their last album came out in maybe around 2008.

They took a hiatus after that, but much to my happiness, they have started playing live shows again.  This was my first time seeing them in the past year.

There is something very special about seeing bands play songs you love that remind you of happy times.  That was what tonight was for me.

Confession

I skipped going to the Jays' game today to catch up on marking but I read a novel instead.

Long Weekend

Its the Monday morning of a long weekend, and I'm not sure where the weekend, or the week that preceded it, went.

The highlight of my past week was a field trip to the Ontario Science Centre with my grade 12 biology class.  I took them there to do a pretty intense 6-hour DNA fingerprinting lab.  It was a great experience because they got to do some protocol that's beyond the scope of a high school lab (PCR, gel electrophoresis) and they learned a lot.  And, they each got to see their genotype at a random locus on chromosome 1. It was a nice day.

And a great bonus was that since they are mature grade 12s, I could simply dismiss them from the OSC, and take a 20-min bus ride home as opposed to having to go back to school then home.

I spend the weekend with my parents watching crappy baseball games and relaxing.

It's crazy to think that in a month from now, exams will almost be over and it'll be almost summer.

Don't be crushed.

It was a busy weekend.

On Friday, I left school a little bit early thanks to a good friend who recognized my exhaustion and offered to supervise my regular Friday extracurricular activity.  It was much appreciated as I left the hot, sweaty, gross school building and went home to finish writing a reference letter and take a nap.

My good friend Vern (from high school days, Go9) has moved to Toronto so we had our first hang out now that she's got an apartment of her own and not living on my futon.  We braved the insanity of High Park to see the lovely cherry blossoms (although I saw lots in Vancouver in March, ha!).  Then I brought her to a cute little backyard patio for dinner and drinks.  It was a nice evening.

I could have been productive on Saturday, but instead of doing much, I sat on the couch and watched the baseball game. I didn't even mark while I watched. I struggle with these moments of complete unproductivity.  I am feeling stressed these days because I have a lot of marking, prep work, housework, errands, etc. piling up and then when I have a good chunk of time to work on them, I procrastinate and do nothing.  URGH.  I am my own worst enemy too often.

On Saturday evening, I took my friend Mathew as my +1 to the CBC for a neat little TV studio concert.  Hawksley Workman was previewing his upcoming album, Old Cheetah, on CBC's First Play Live.  I saw an invite to this on Twitter and replied on Tuesday and made it on the guest list.  The audience surrounded the band in a circle, and it was really intimate and wonderful.  He played some old stuff (even opened with Don't Be Crushed) and the new songs were wonderful.  I've been listening to Hawksley's music for fifteen years and so much of it brings me to instant nostalgia (incidentally the name of his new song).  It was wonderful.

Today was super busy too.  Way back in January when I was making resolutions that I've broken, I signed up for the Sporting Life 10K to motivate myself to get back into running.  Well, it didn't work.  However, I decided that since plenty of people walk it, I might as well too, and that's what I did. Today was a hot and humid day that felt more like June, so even though I just walked, it was sweaty and tiring.  However, I felt better that I didn't give up, and even though I have blisters on the bottom of my feet, it was fun.  I went to the Jays game right after the walk in my close, and I hope I wasn't too smelly... The game kind of sucked because they lost again, argh, and I didn't even get to see my boyfriend Russell Martin play since Dickey was pitching so Thole was catching.

After the game I came home and had a nap, and then did some more reference letter writing and lesson planning.  I didn't even touch the marking pile.  Oh well.  There's always next week, right?

April is over...

... thank goodness  It was a demanding month, and I'm still struggling to keep my head above water.

Politics are bringing my morale down.  It sucks.

I find solace in watching baseball games on TV and drinking beer.  Man, I gotta cut back on beer.

Lots of fun stuff coming up in May though.  A musical, a couple of concerts, and a couple of live ball games will help.

And sleep and self care.  That will help too.

So I think it's time for us to have a toast.

It was an okay weekend.  I socialized a bit, binged on Kimmy Schmidt a bit, and did some work.

I have one more big deadline on April 30th, and then my month of craziness of work will end, and I really want to take May easy and spend some time on self-care: spa appointments, getting myself reacquainted with the gym, eating healthy, etc.

I've been thinking a lot about the summer and my summer goals.  Usually I travel a lot in the summer.  Heck, I've had summers where I spend more days away than here.

This summer I have couple of small trips planned: a baseball road trip to Detroit to see the Jays vs. Tigers with my baseball buddies, and Las Vegas to meet up with my friends Claire and Mariah Carey.

However, I'm thinking I'm not going to do much other than that.  There is some labour unrest for Ontario teachers these days; my union is actually in strike position.  It would be prudent to be careful with my cash these days.  More importantly, I want some time to work on the following during the summer:

• get my bike fixed so I can ride it to the gym;
• spend my mornings in the gym getting back to strength-training, running, and yoga;
• drink lots of coffee;
• eat healthy and cook for myself;
• read lots of books;
• do some nerdy cross-stitch;
• write letters and postcards to friends afar;
• watch baseball;
• declutter my home and deal with the clothing situation

Of course, there's always the possibility that I'll pack my bags and go to somewhere random.  However, I feel the summer of 2015 might just be where I press a giant reset button on life and work on me.

Avalanche.

The gods of iTunes shuffle have put the Matt Good song Avalanche on and I forgot how much I love it.  I might just have to put it on repeat as I write.

Anyway, it's been a busy few days.  I think I've finally recovered from the at-school sleepover.  It was worth it though, as the kids had a great time.  Today one of the grade nines came up to me and told me how much fun she had and how she was going to do it again.  It was all worth it.

On Tuesday I took the Eco Club to the Science Centre for our annual trip. It was great and a nice break from being at school.

Every year at this time I get invited to an event that our school participates in.  Students get mentored in guitar by local police officers, and then one kid per school is chosen to play in a big showcase at a concert venue (one I go to for real shows!).  Anyway, it always seems to be a kid who knows me well enough to ask me to come watch and I do.  It's actually pretty fun, although this year I went by myself since my regular teacher pal who goes with me is on a leave.  Heck, anything that gets me out on a school night is a good time.  My student is a great guitar player too!

Other than the constant avalanche of work these days (I'm having a marking/planning weekend), stuff is good.  It's baseball season, and I finally got to meet up with my blog pal Aaron of The Void this Sunday at the game!

And that's the end of my update.

Taking a moment.

Right now the fasting-for-charity teenagers are happily sewing sock monkeys and drinking juice. Some colleagues of mine were kind enough to stop by and help out, so instead of making a monkey for the fifth time, I've come outside to enjoy sunshine, fresh air, and solitude.

I'm sitting in the city park across the street from my school. I can see my classroom window, and think fondly about how the room is quiet for the weekend, but it'll be back to normal by Monday. 

I've given ten working years to this place, and even though some days it frustrates the hell out of me, I'm glad that I've come to think of this quirky little building as my home.

Overload

As far as weekends go, this one was quiet.  There was some drinks, some brunch, and a few errands, and happily I did not open my backpack to do any marking.

Now it's on to a super busy week.  Report cards are due on Thuraday and I'm frantically trying to get a few more sets of assignments marked in time.  Tonight I got a major set of lab reports marked while watching the baseball game, so that feels like an accomplishment.

Last night I went to the Jays' home opener.  No marking got done.  They lost.

Oh and I have a houseguest.  My pal Vern got a job in the city and needed a place to stay this week.

And Friday is a big student council event where kids fast for charity and sleep overnight at school. I sleep there too.

Is it summer yet?

Baseball

Thank goodness the season started.  I'm going to make a bold statement here.  I like watching baseball more than I like watching Netflix.

Home opener is on Monday.  I'll be there.  Next Sunday is Jose Bautista bobblehead day.  I'll be there.

The Jays took 2/3 of their first series at Yankee Stadium which is significant, since Yankee Stadium is their Achilles heel.  Last year they broke a something like 19 game losing streak there.  Damned Yankees.

I like how this season is starting.  2 HRs so far for my man EE.

Also myself from two years ago is in shock how die hard into baseball my current self is.

Long Weekend

I had a rather chill long weekend.  The pile of marking I lugged home from school, and then all the way to Stratford and back, has barely a dent in it.  Oh well.

Things I did, in point form:

• Started watching The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix, which is hilarious and amazing.
• Did a little bit of shopping in Stratford where I splurged on a new Jays' hat.
• Watched four movies with my parents (Gone Girl, St. Vincent, The Theory of Everything, Maleficent).  I crafted a cute little cross-stitch fox as I watched.  I want to craft more while I watch things.
• Got a little bit of exercise in. 
• Caught up on sleep.
• Watched the Jays' exhibition games in Montreal.
• Watched Jays vs NYY opening day game which was amazing.  We won 6-1.  Please be representative of the season.

And that was my chill long weekend.

Reading habits as of late.

I've been quite bookish so far this year.  Sometimes, life will get ahead of me, and I'll go a few weeks without finishing a book.  However, thanks to a bit of down time during March Break and my current obsession with getting ebooks from the Toronto Public library, I've been reading quite a lot lately following a dry spell in late February/early March.

This year, I've seemed to solely read fiction with a focus on mystery/thrillers for the most part. During the school year, I crave escapism in my literary adventures, and I've found that my favourite escape these days is in a good mystery/thriller that also has an interesting theme and/or plot twist.

I've also noticed that as I have all of my life, I read a majority of books written by women.  I can go on and on about sexism in the literary world.  I closely follow writer Jennifer Weiner on Twitter because I like her books and her super hilarious tweets about The Bachelor.  However, I'm come to appreciate her also for being vocal about how books written by men are reviewed much more frequently than books written by women.  Books written by male authors, such as Jonathan Franzen and Jeffery Eugenides, that are about "women-centric" subjects like relationships and family are widely praised and reviewed, whereas similar books written by women are often belittled as "chick-lit".  Lori Lansens wrote an excellent novel called "The Girls" which is a fascinating story of the lives of conjoined twins.  I was dismayed when the paperback edition of this novel was slapped with a bright pink flowered covered that would scare off most men from reading this worthy story.  Of course, the fact that the colour pink is feared by men is another way in which the feminine is looked down upon in our society but that's another rant.

Anyhow, the point of this is that with entrenched sexism in literature, I don't really feel that bad about my very skewed reading habits.  However, I read an article somewhere earlier in the year (probably on Buzzfeed, I'm sure) about how a great new year's resolution would be to read more books by diverse authors since it's important to read stories about people who are underrepresented like women of colour, other ethnicities, and authors from the LGBTQ community; not to mention how important it is to support these authors so that there is more diversity in what gets published.

Anyhow, I have read a couple of amazing books in the past few months that are notable.  I love Roxane Gay's collection of essays "Bad Feminist" and her novel "An Untamed State" was excellent although brutal and graphic (not a light read). Celeste Ng's "Everything I Never Told You" because not only is it a fascinating look at an Asian American family and the prejudice faced by this community (which is entirely underrepresented in all forms of media), it's kind of a murder mystery!

This year I also want to read novels by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and Helen Oyeyemi.  Are there any other books/authors that you'd recommend that would help me in my goal about increasing the diversity in my reading?

I, I do it all the time.

Today as I was marking with a friend/colleague in my local Starbucks I said "You know, I'm more on top of this marking stuff than I was last year.  That's good news."

It's true, I am.  I am teaching the same course that I did exactly a year ago, and it provides a good benchmark for me.  For example, a lab report that I was frantically marking on the plane back from France for March Break last year, was marked way before March Break this year.

Then I paused to think.  "However, I am completely losing the work/life balance battle this year, so I guess I'm not that good."

Last year I was in tip top physical condition, and training for a half marathon.  Today's exercise was walking to Starbucks to mark.  I had a backpack on though, so extra weight, ha-ha!

Basically, I think I can win one or the other: life or work.  Last year I was winning life, but I know I was more stressed with work.  This year I'm winning work, but I'm way more stressed about life.

HOW CAN I WIN BOTH?

That's the million dollar question that I'm going to be trying to crack ASAP.

A Decade.

It's March 23rd, 2015.  This means that I've had this blog for a decade.  Ten entire years.  Holy shit. (I've even set the date and time of this posted so it posts EXACTLY ten years from my first post. Details, that's how I roll.)

I've been composing this post in my head for quite awhile, since one of my many good blog friends reminded me that my decade blogoversary was approaching.  (FYI a traditional ten-year anniversary gift, according to Hallmark, is tin or aluminum.)

I started this blog on a complete whim.  2005, as all of my longtime blog friends will attest, because they most likely started their blogs in that year too, was the golden age of blogging.  I spent a lot of time reading musician Matthew Good's blog back then, and when he started linking to fans' blogs on his, I decided I should start a blog, and when it got good, I would send him the link.  He stopped that linking practice long before I ever would have considered sending him the link to this blog.

Heck, I never even came up with a title for this thing.  That's what "Permanent Title Currently Under Construction" means.  When I had a to fill in a blog title, I blanked, typed that in, with the good intention of thinking of something clever that describes the content of this blog, whatever that would be.

Ten years later, I can comfortably say that the content of this blog is me.

I don't think I ever thought anything would really become of this blog.  Sure, there are some bloggers that have found internet fame, or even book deals from their blogs, but that's the equivalent of a Little Leaguer making it to the big leagues.  However, I can honestly say that this blog did change the course of my life.

I know that if I'd never started this blog there are so many people I would not have met, trips that I would never have taken, friendships never forged, connections never made, bridal squads that would have been minus their token Canadian member, concerts not attended, postcards never sent, and memories never made.

I have friendships that have almost lasted just as long as this blog.  My blog friends live across the country, in other countries, and across oceans but some of those friendships are concrete as anything in my own city.  Heck, it really helps because if a girl can't sleep because she's going through a nasty breakup, she's got friends in all timezones to hear about her heartbreak and make her feel better.

I've got travel buddies who will host me in their city, come visit me in my city, or we'll just meet up in some other random city.

Most of my blogging friends stopped their blogs long ago.  Some of us hang on, and usually for the same reason, and the very reason why I keep hanging on.  I've never been able to keep a journal, or any sort of record of my life, but for some reason I've been able to use this medium to write about me for ten whole years.

After all this time, I have a cool journal, and I've met people that have become my dear friends.  I am so thankful for this.

I'm going to end this post with a picture of me.  Back in 2005, I was adamant that I would never post a picture of myself on this blog because what if someone came across it and knew it was mine?  I used to send early blog buddies emails with pictures if they wondered what I looked like.  Anyway, here's a recent selfie (hah! a word that didn't exist in 2005) that I like.  I'm in my classroom, in front of the chalkboard, wearing my green cat hoodie.  The lighting is good and I liked how it turned out, so here I am.

Decade #1 out.  Here's to decade #2.

Nowhere We Cannot Go

This is my favourite song these days.  I'm very excited for the new Hayden album to come out next week.  I enjoy when I see an artist live a few times before an album's release.  It means I already know a few songs and have some special memories linked to them.

My Vancouver March Break trip definitely created some new memories for me, as well as evoked lots of fun memories from the past.  This was my third trip to Vancouver.  I saw some new places (The Art Gallery, Main Street, new restaurants, Becca T's new hood in Kits), but also revisited old places with the people with whom I'd first discovered them.

 I really enjoyed then Art Gallery, especially the exhibit on Chinese contemporary art, which had an amazing piece by Ai Wei Wei.  Another trip high light was a visit to a Hammam spa with Becca.  It was incredibly relaxing.  I enjoyed all of the shopping, walking, drinking, and chatting that I got to do with friends too.  I definitely feel relaxed upon return, even if my internal clock isn't quite back to Eastern time.

Yesterday was my first day back in Toronto.  I was lazy for the most part, but went for a lovely dinner, walk, and browse around the Eaton Centre with my pal Elaine.

I was on the hunt for the new Joel Plaskett album on vinyl, which I didn't find because it isn't on vinyl.  Too bad.  I got it when I came home, and also finally got the new Dan Mangan + Blacksmith album which I enjoy more now that I've seen it live a couple of times.

Today I'm going to pick up Rilo from my parents' house.  That truly does mean the end of the vacation.

West Coast

It's been a busy but relaxing trip so far.  I can't believe that I'm on my last day in Vancouver.

The first two days were super busy.  My flight here was really early in the morning, which meant that I had a super full day with only four hours' sleep and jet lag.  Probably the highlight of my first, busy day, other than seeing and catching up with friends, was the Hayden/Dan Mangan show at the Vogue Theatre.  It was definitely a show worth seeing in two cities.

Sunday morning was an early start to catch the ferry over to Victoria.  It was a lovely day of shopping in the rain despite the fact that I was exhausted.

This week I've had lots of lazy mornings, and time exploring the city.  I'm feeling relaxed and refreshed but not ready to go back that's for sure.  When I get home late tomorrow night it'll mean my break is almost over and it'll be back to the grind so soon.

Thankful

Today I realized how incredibly lucky I am.

I am pretty much booked solid for two weeks. I've made the effort to schedule in dinners with friends that I haven't seen in awhile, new friends, and I leave for Vancouver shortly.

At least one nice thing happens to me every day.  I think I'm up to four today.

I can maintain friendships that have started in the most random way possible (blogging) for spans of time that are approaching a decade.

I've traveled.  I'll travel some more.  Always with the travel.

I like my job.

I challenge my brain.

I read a lot.

I have a soundtrack for my life.

I love my little family and have a really nice cat.

I feel down sometimes, and I forget about all this stuff, but it's really nice when somehow my brain turns its spotlight on and I see it all.

Lent

My mother would always make me give up something for Lent.  I have memories of being a kid diligently abstaining from chocolate, pop, or French fries.  It was always a huge challenge, but I'd feel proud at the end when I got to eat whatever it was I gave up on Easter Sunday.  I remember the year that I gave up fries and my mom took me to McDonald's for Easter lunch.

A challenge of willpower is usually a good thing, I think.  I've often tried to give something up for Lent as an adult for the heck of it.  One year I gave up celebrity gossip, which was super challenging and good for my brain.  However, I usually do give up something edible, and since March Break falls during Lent, I haven't attempted to give anything up for a few years.

This year, I've so far given up fries, potato chips, and beer.  I've been drinking a lot of wine as a result! Haha.  Anyhow, I think beer's not going to last on the list much longer.  I have a couple of outings where I'm meeting new people, and beer's the perfect drink for such occasions.  Sugary cocktails upset my stomach, I ruined white wine for myself a long time ago, and I love red wine but I hate how it stains my teeth, tongue, and lips.  I need beer to deal with new people!

So perhaps I have given up beer with old friends for Lent.

ps So far I've made it with the fries. I guess I'll have to hit up the drive-thru on Easter Sunday for old time's sake.

I had an accident with a potato chip where a colleague had a bag open on her desk and I reached over, grabbed one, ate it, and then exclaimed "oh shit! I ate a chip! I gave those up for Lent!"

Random list of things I love these days.

1) Broadchurch - binged on series one last weekend, series two this weekend.  Now what, life?  I have a hard time transitioning from one TV show/book to the next.

2) Hayden - saw the man live last night and can't wait for his new album to come out at the end of March

3) Birthday parties at lunch - my group of friends at work have a lot of birthdays in February, which means that we actually make time to celebrate at lunch and eat cake

4) Reality TV shame night on Mondays - a guilty pleasure is a good way to start the week.

5) Longer days - the sun sets at a noticeable later time.

6) Lemonade - so refreshing!

February always finds you folding.

This February has been bitterly cold. An abnormally high percentage of Lake Ontario has frozen over, and it is unsurprising given the high snow banks, wind chills, and extreme cold alerts.

My skin has never been this dry, nor my lips as chapped. It's truly the winter of my discontent.

I am doing my best to avoid my tendency to hibernate.  Today, instead of coming home from work straightaway, I ran some errands and then worked for two hours at my local Starbucks as opposed to hunkering down on my sofa to bone up on mechanisms of cellular transport, you know, sodium-potassium pumps and the like.

My workload feels infinite.  It's not out of control (yet) but there's always more to do, and more that can be done.  I feel like I'm going to spend all day on Sunday in Starbucks marking lab reports, woo-hoo.

However, I do have some fun things planned this weekend like dinners with friends and a Hayden/Dan Mangan concert as Massey Hall.

This last weekend I binged on season one of Broadchurch.  Has anyone watched that?  Amazing!  I also watched an episode of the Welsh program Hinterland which is delightfully dark, and I totally have a crush on the lead detective.  Both these shows are about murder, and I also watched Dateline NBC with my pal Mathew on Saturday, so I might be murdered out, I don't know.

Cold, dark, winter.  That sums up February.

Take the weakest thing in you and beat the bastards with it.

It's been a cold few days I tell you.

There was a freak power outage on Friday at the museum so we actually got kicked out at noon.  One of the employees commented it was only the second time the ROM had closed in his 20-year career.  It was too bad since the afternoon was the part that I was looking forward to the most: walking around the exhibits.  Oh well, the power in the rest of the neighbourhood was still working so I treated myself to Starbucks and browsed a bookstore.  I picked up a new book for me and a third baseball preview magazine for my dad.

Night two of Hey Rosetta! and Stars was amazing.  For night one, we had balcony seats (a good school night option) but with our GA tickets night two, we made it to the very front which was amazing.  Stars is in my top three favourite bands, and is my go-to when I need to cheer up and they are just such an amazing and gracious band.

On Saturday, I took the train to Stratford and hibernated in the cold reading books with my parents.  Same with most of my birthday until I ventured out for drinks and dinner with friends.  That was fun and I made it back home to watch most of SNL40 with my parents which I really enjoyed.

There were mechanical issues with my train on Monday, but luckily they figured that out in advance and there was a bus in place of the train which got me home mostly in time.  Again, with the cold on Monday, I hibernated, spent time with Rilo, and caught up on my most awful guilty TV pleasure (The Bachelor, of course).

Today was back to the old grind and it was a nice day. I have really nice classes yet again.  My friends surprised me with a tea party in the drama department prop room and it was lovely with real teacups, cucumber sandwiches with no crusts, and tiered-platters of baked goods.  I really have great friends.

And even if I was being mopey for some of the weekend because I've hit the midpoint of my thirties, I think this birthday taught me that birthdays aren't about getting older, but just a necessary reminder of one's awesomeness by our loved ones, which is something that we all need, especially in these long winter months.

p.s. FYI, you are awesome, my reader friends. Trust me on that.

No One Is Lost

It's as cold as fuck out there.

Tonight I got to see two amazing bands (Hey Rosetta!, Stars) play at a great venue (The Danforth Music Hall).  Tomorrow night I'm going back to do it all again.

Today some kids threw me a mini surprise birthday party after school.  I think I wasted my wish as I blew out my candles; I definitely should have wished for something more substantial during such a special moment.

Tomorrow I get to spend a PD day at the museum.

On Saturday I'm heading down to St Ratford to visit my parents for the long weekend.

On Sunday I turn 35. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I was feeling morose earlier, but then the concert put it into perspective for me.  Life is pretty good; I've got a lot of people who think I'm awesome, even though I sometimes don't.   I should listen to the Stars song more about holding on when you get love and letting go when you give it.

But, ugh, it's going to be cold as fuck on Sunday.

Rewind

I've started teaching a course that I've never taught at all, save for dabbling in a few units during my practice teaching in 2003.  That was a long time ago, I tell you.

I've taught the same set of nine or so courses for about ten years now.  The science curriculum has gone through an overhaul in that time with units flipping around and the addition of new topics I personally knew very little about (light and optics anyone?).  I always change my styles and my methods, and I love adding new activities and keeping my courses current.  However, I've felt quite comfy for the longest time, and enjoy knowing my shit.

But this new course: the most advanced high school biology one can teach.  Should really be no problem for me: I have a specialist degree in biology, and I graduated with some awards on top of it.  I know, okay, I knew, my shit.

But, argh, time.  I wish the fates would have brought me this course at the beginning of my career.  It would have been easier back then, I think.  My skillset has changed in a decade. Bring me students who are unmotivated, and/or struggle with reading, writing, behaviour, are new to Canada, etc. and I'm rather good at getting them to learn, and hopefully like science.  Those skills took a long time to build, but aren't so useful at the moment.

Now I feel that it's me versus the content.  I have get back with biochemistry, biochemical pathways, metabolic processes, DNA replication, protein synthesis, homeostasis, and population dynamics.  I find I have to take notes before I teach, and I have to look at these notes while I teach, which I have not done in years. As I go through my lesson, I have to predict the times at which my students will ask "why?" and make sure I know the answer.

It's a good challenge, and my brain is happy with the challenge, and I do feel like I'm tapping into a dormant part of myself. Dammit, I think I missed some of these molecules, proteins, and enzymes that I was oh-so-familiar with.  I've already found a great series of videos on YouTube to enhance my lessons with, and booked a cool trip for my class where they'll get to DNA fingerprinting using PCR methodology.

But dammit, I do feel a little nervous when I'm up there, which I haven't felt in years! It's weird.  I feel like a fraud with an expired degree but I'm doing my best to renew it, but it's keeping me on my toes.  A decade is a long time.

Hibernation, Cross-Border Shopping, Superbowl, and Snowmagddon

It's been a busy long weekend of sorts for me.

I worked really hard last week to get all of my exams marked, semester one wrapped up, and stuff ready for semester two, so that I could work from home on Friday.  This was great.  I didn't leave my house at all that day.

On Saturday, even though our dollar is low, a couple of friends and I went cross border shopping in Buffalo.  I didn't buy very much, other than a bunch of groceries at Trader Joe's.  The highlight was going to a diner called Grover's, which was apparently features on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, and had the most insane ginormous burgers ever.  I think I am still full.

Sunday ended up being a rather fun day.  I ended up going for drinks with the same person both before and after the Superbowl, and during the game I ran some errands, but did take time to watch Katy Perry's sharktastic performance.  I have to admit that I might be suffering from a slight hangover today, and I'm super tired, but that's okay.

Today is the start of a new semester, but it's a bit of a fizzle.  We got a lot of snow overnight, and it was still coming down this morning.   My commute to work was awful, and I got in a couple minutes late which didn't matter because classes did not start on time.  When they did start, they were half empty, so I ended up having a light watered-down day one since I didn't want to do anything too important that I'd just have to repeat tomorrow.  I'd love to go home early today, but I have a meeting after school, so I am procrastinating and drinking tea instead.

March Break Booked!

In typical Christielli-fashion, it was a concert that was the impetus for me to actually plan something.

I had been planning to use my March Break to visit all of my pals in Vancouver: Becca T, Wes, & Rawbean (and I'm also hoping to make it to Victoria to see Jabba).  I was dawdling because well, I didn't want to think about the cost of a flight etc etc.

Then today, my #1 crush Hayden tweeted an article about his new song, which also had a listing of his upcoming shows, including one in Vancouver DURING MY MARCH BREAK. He's playing w Dan Mangan, and I am seeing them in Toronto at the end of February.  I bought those tickets way back in August when I was eating delicious Indian food at Claire's place in London.

Anyway, this concert would be a great show for Becca T and I because we both love Dan, and I used to drag her to Hayden shows all the time in university.

So, I booked a flight, and booked the show.  And within a span of 1.5 hours, now Wes is joining us for the show, and Rawbean and I will visit Jen in Victoria on Sunday.

This is all shaping up to be a lot of fun!

First Concert of the Year.

I had a super fun weekend, which I needed after last week which didn't start out the greatest.

On Friday, I went to the mall with Mathew because he had to return a bunch of things, which I made fun of him for.  Then we saw the movie "Selma" which was very powerful.  I haven't seen many of the films that have been nominated, but I can't help thinking this one was so powerful and important that it should definitely get more recognition.  Also, I think EVERYONE should see it.

Before my I went out on Friday, my friend Paul messaged me to see if I wanted to see a concert on Saturday night with him: Elliott Brood & The Wilderness of Manitoba.  I was happy that I was free and able to go to the show. They are both bands that I've seen before and enjoy live, even though I haven't kept up with their albums. Also, I hadn't been to a show with my friend Paul since the summer; it seemed like all of the fall concerts conflicted with his work/travel schedules.  It was great to reconnect with a friend, and live music.  It's been two months since I've been to a show!

I always feel like myself most at shows.  It's weird, but live music puts me in such a great space that it's vital for my mental health.  Even though I'm one of the most logical, methodical people you'll meet, I have a huge creative side that loves the arts whether it be music, literature, film, or visual arts.  I think the arts in general bring me the closest to my spiritual side than anything else on earth, and they are essential to my well-being.  As soon as the first band hit the stage, I felt re-centred and oh-so-better about everything.  Elliott Brood were great because they closed the curtain in between sets, and opened up to a stage filled with balloons and lights.  It was a magical evening.

Today was a nice day because I was able to catch up with other friends over brunch and dinner.  Just as art centres me, so does friendship, and I'm lucky to have a life rich in both.

Teaching is Ridiculous.

On Monday, I had a little bit of a bad day, and it soured my mood for the next couple of days afterward.

However, yesterday out of the blue I got an email from a former student wishing me happy belated new year and asking me how I was doing.  In my reply, I told her that her email really brightened my day.  She replied back to me updating me on her life in university and how yesterday she just had a feeling that she needed to email her favourite teachers from high school. Awwwww.

As I read her email I thought that it's kind of ridiculous that I get paid money to form these awesome relationships with the students I teach.  It's so rewarding that I get paid a healthy salary to make an impact on lives, and in return, such an impact is made on my own life.  I estimate that I've probably taught almost one thousand students at this point in my career, which is rather awesome.

Anyway, I need to keep this in mind next time I'm frustrated over the enormity of my marking pile*, a jammed photocopier, kids not doing their homework, a slow computer, a busted electrical fuse, a dusty chalkboard ledge that makes me sneeze, extra pointless paperwork, a grumpy colleague, and all of the other little things I complain about way too often.

*My marking pile is actually non-existent right now.  I finished marking all of the term work for this semester. Next week is exams, which is a bit of a break.  Woo-hoo!  A guilt-free work-free weekend!

Don't Let People Mess You Around.

Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" is a pretty good anthem for when people have got you down.  Very 2014.

However, I have realized that my ultimate feel-good anthem is Sloan's "If It Feels Good, Do It". Very 2000.

I have been listening to this song for years and years, and I don't think I ever even realized that it was about shaking it off, until recently. I really just listened to it without thinking, but now it's become my go-to when someone's messing me around.



Also, the video is freakin' awesome. (Note: there's another longer more artsy version with people talking about rock 'n roll, which I like, but today I'm in the mood for the song straight through.) 

I love the crowd jumping around and their energy.

I love the scissor kicks and guitar-shredding in time to the lights.

I love the "Sloooooo-oooooan" chant in the middle of the song.

I love how the song takes me back to when I was in university, and I had nothing better to than study, cause hijinks with my friends, and obsessively listen to this song.

I low how this song is ultimately an ode to rock 'n roll, yet at the same time really is about being true to yourself.  The line "you can't wear your heart on your sleeve, if you're just going to leave" is one of my favourites, and I wish I could quote it to people all of the time, but just not enough people out there are up on their Sloan.

Anyway, it's one day past Blue Monday, the supposedly mathematically-calculated most depressing day of the year, and I was having an okay one, until somebody messed me around, but you know what, I'm not going to let them, because I'm just going to listen to Sloan instead.  And maybe some T. Swift too.

Lines.

The other day I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror.  I can't remember why, other than I was lost in thought at the moment.  I was surprised to notice a deep vertical line right beside the inside of my left eyebrow, which was pulled down at the moment.

I relaxed my eyebrow to its regular position, and the vertical line was still there, although less pronounced.

I started thinking about this line, and noticed my left eyebrow going back down on my face.  Then it hit me: I have a wrinkle from thinking! I have never noticed this before, but when I am thinking, I scrunch up my left eyebrow, and this action has lead to a permanent crease on my forehead.

I'm almost 35, and I haven't worried too much about wrinkles yet. I don't own any anti-wrinkle creams, because I am very skeptical that they even work. I'll admit that my skincare regime is best described as low-key, whereas perhaps some may say it's straight out negligent.

However, I've always believed that it's working for me since I often get compliments on my skin.  One day I was talking to one of my VPs and she stopped mid sentence and said "you have beautiful skin... What do you do?" I thanked her and admitted that I don't do anything special.  I wash it, throw on some moisturizer as needed and that's that.  And it seems to be working, I guess.

But this thinking wrinkle...

As I was staring at this line on my face, I remembered something that I read recently on the celebrity gossip site that I frequent (guilty pleasure = dlisted.com). Kim Kardashian had stated that she tries to smile as little as possible because it causes wrinkles. (Although what about duck faces, Kim?)

What a sad statement, I thought, which reflects how messed up our society is.  We are so obsessed with looking youthful that a woman will willing admit that she tries not to make the best facial expression out there that signifies joy, makes you look better, and actually makes you psychologically feel better.

Smile lines should be battle scars that anyone should be proud of.  They say "fuck yeah! I've had lots of fun and laughter and happiness in my life and I'm proud of it!" Really, people should want smile and laugh lines at as young an age as possible because it means you've lived well and with happiness.

Which brings me back to my thinking line.  As I stood there thinking about it (and cementing it further on my face no doubt) I realized this thing on my face is a battle scar hard-earned by all of the planning, calculating, writing, creating, problem-solving, reading, reflecting, hypothesizing, wondering and thinking that I have done over my almost 35 years of life.  I'll keep it, thank you very much.  And I'm going to be proud of any lines on my face because it means, that I have lived, goddammit.

On track (ish).

Last week I was maybe getting a B- on my new year's resolution of being healthier.  I was rocking the healthy eating, made it to the gym on Tuesday, but then started feeling sick and congested and could not bring myself to exercise on Wednesday.

During the weekend, I felt worse, hibernated indoors and ate some garbage, which definitely brought my overall mark down to failing. However, I managed to get to the grocery store, buy healthy food for the week, and I've rocked the healthy eating again this week.  Even better, I made it to the gym on both Tuesday and Wednesday, and feel awesome.  I did some weight training yesterday and I feel sore and I'm so happy because I missed the feeling of the after effects of a good workout.

Anyway, I'm pretty happy that a crappy first week of resolution did not knock me down.  I'm often really hard on myself if I'm not feeling well.  All weekend I was internally berating myself for being lazy, but now that I have a clearer head, I realize that no, I was actually not feeling well and that's okay.

This week, I'm pretty high energy and have been getting lots of shit done at work and even feel like my workload is under control.  Awesome.

Not only that,  my place is relatively clean, I got my nails done, went out for drinks with my friend Joanna Go9 who was in town for a convention, and registered for the Sporting Life 10K in May.

I think the moral of this story is to remind myself that sometimes I do need to rest and recuperate, and that's okay.

Random Pointless Post

Wow the January blues have come at me fast and furious and earlier than usual this year.

This time of year is always super busy at work.  One semester is ending, and I'm trying to cram a few more concepts into the kids' heads, while trying to catch up on marking and write/prep my final exams. All while it is bone chillingly cold outside.

This weekend I was supposed to write an exam, and catch up on my marking but what I did instead was hibernate and finish reading two books.  However, I stayed late today at school and got so much done. I grudgingly have to admit that I am far more productive at work than I am home, probably it's because I have the motivation of that when I complete my task I can leave the building and go home.  When I'm home, I'm already home and I don't have that push.  I think that I need to put a few more hours in at work, as opposed to dragging my marking around all the time and not doing it.  Sigh.

Anyway, that was boring.  Let me think about what else is going on these days.

I was running some errands this evening, and a dude at the checkout near me at Shopper's gave me his Optimum Points.

I have started watching this season of The Bachelor because apparently I hate my brain cells and want to kill them.

I should probably do a book review post because I've read three already this year.  All involve mysteries and death.

Nerd confession: my Lego sources told me about a set of Lego songbirds and I bought it online and they arrived tonight. It's completely geeky but they'll look good on my windowsill.

After 21 days, behaviours become habits, right?

Or that's what I tell myself as I rather grudgingly force myself to be better.  Hopefully after 21 days I'll remove the words grudgingly and force from that sentence.

In a way though, re-capturing my good habits from 2013 and the first half of 2014 feel like slipping into an old comfy sweater.  Sunday night veggie chopping session? Check. Healthy lunch and gym bag packed before I go to bed? Check.  Dishes washed? Check. Settling in my bed before11 pm... well, I'm working on it.

I also have to work on not being frustrated with myself and berating myself.  I worked really hard for a year-and-a-half and felt so much stronger, healthier, and happier.  But for whatever reason, exhaustion, a touch of depression, boredom, stress, or just sheer laziness, I let it slip away.  A week's break became a month, and then more.

However, I'm relying on muscle memory to get me back on track.  The planning, chopping, and organization feel like old friends that are returning to me.  I'm a creature of routine.  Once I make taking care of myself routine again, I'll be heading in the right direction.

My favourite 2014 albums

I always enjoy compiling my favourite music from a year gone by.  Whenever I read top album lists in my favourite music magazines, blogs, and newspapers, I always feel appalled on how much music I miss out in a year, but man, the older I get, the harder it is to keep up with all of the things I'm interested in, on top of having a job.  

My favourite albums aren't all necessarily "the best" (not that you can really compile music into a list based on merit; it's so subjective), but they are the albums that made up the soundtrack of my life during the year.

In 2014, there were really great new albums put out by Beck, Jenny Lewis, The New Pornographers, Andrew MacMahon in the Wilderness, and Damien Rice that are definitely worth a listen in my opinion.  Also, I just recently bought the album by Canadian band Alvvays, and it's excellent.  (It made a lot of top ten lists that I read at the end of the year.) But since I'm just getting into right now (in 2015), I can't fit it into my list.  But you should check it out!  The song Archie Will You Marry Me? is a definite earworm.

And now onto my list..

10) 1989 - Taylor Swift  I think almost everyone came out in 2014 as a Swift fan because of this super fun pop effort.  When someone besmirches you, Shake It Off, is the perfect song.  I unabashedly enjoy this entire album and feel no shame for including this pop gem on my top ten list.

9) Strange Desire - Bleachers This side project by Fun's Jack Antonoff was an excellent soundtrack to the summer of 2014.  Wild Heart and Rollercoaster are the standout songs for me, and I also love the guest appearances by Grimes and Yoko Ono.  If you like electronic pop with an indie flair, check out Bleachers.

8) Little Machines - LIGHTS Again in the electronic pop veins, Canada's LIGHTS puts out yet another strong album (I was a fan of her previous album Siberia).  I also got to see her live at the Danforth Music Hall, and she's definitely can put on a great live show that showcases her songs.

7) St. Vincent - St. Vincent I love this album.  Even though it came out early in the year, I rediscovered it December and had it on heavy repeat.  Usually when I'm listening to this album, all I can think is that St. Vincent kicks ass.

6) LP - Twin Forks Twin Forks is the newest band of Dashboard Confessional's Chris Carrabba.  Not only did I see them three times, I had this LP on heavy repeat throughout the year.  I have it on vinyl, which is beneficial because this album has a sides A & B with vastly different feels.  Side A consists of fun, bluegrassy sing-alongs, whereas the songs on side B are a bit darker and more brooding.

5) Commonwealth - Sloan Sloan is going strong after being together for more than twenty years.  Commonwealth is a creatively interesting album; each of the four sides of this album features songs by each of the members of Sloan.  Side A are Jay Ferguson songs, Side B are Chris Murphy songs, Side C are Patrick Pentland songs, and Side D is one very long (18 minutes) Andrew Scott song.  I'm definitely a fan of Jay's songs the most; Side A is pure perfection.  I'm a fan of sides B & C too, and I even have a spot in my heart for the sprawling insanity of Side D because it features a throwback to one of my all-time favourite Sloan songs, Delivering Maybes.  

4) We Loved Her Dearly - Lowell I saw Lowell briefly at Field Trip this year, and liked her performance, and I was pleasantly surprised at how strong this album is.  Some songs are pure pop gems, like Cloud 69 and Summertime, whereas Words are the Wars and I Killed Sara V. are heartbreaking and beautiful.  Lowell is a young artist on Arts & Crafts, and I can't wait to hear what she releases next.

3) Second Sight - Hey Rosetta! Newfoundland's Hey Rosetta! always impresses with me with their albums, and their latest is no exception.  It's one of those albums you can just throw on, and each song stands out in its own right.  I'm really looking forward to seeing them play these songs live when I see them open for Stars twice in February.

2) No One is Lost - Stars According to my LastFM statistics, Stars is the band that I listen to the most by far.  Why? Because every two years they release a pop noir masterpiece.  The cover of their latest album has the name emblazoned in neon lights with an image of a roller-coaster, and many of the songs have a deliberate disco feel to them.  Album opener From the Night, and the title track are both fun and heartbreaking at the same time.  Stars are one of those bands that keep putting out great music album after album.

1) Darlings - Kevin Drew This album is hands down my #1 album of 2014 because I listened to it so consistently month after month.  For me, 2014 will be forever linked with songs like Body Butter, Bullshit Ballad, You Gotta Feel It and You In Your Were.  When it comes to the Broken Social Scene catalogue, I've always gravitated towards Kevin Drew's sweeping dramatic vocals, and obviously this album showcases his songwriting and musicianship.  I'm just sad that I wasn't able to catch him play this album live, and my fingers are crossed that maybe he'll do some local 2015 shows.

What were your favourite albums of the year?

2014 Reading List

For my archives...

My goal in 2014 was to read 35 books, and I read 40 in total (counting my re-read of Gone Girl).

• 39) Ugly Girls - Lindsay Hunter (excellent)
• 38) An Untamed State - Roxane Gay (excellent)
• 37) Bad Feminist - Roxane Gay (amazing)
• 36) Yes Please - Amy Poehler (amazing)
• 35) The Husband's Secret - Liane Moriarty (OK)
• 34) My Salinger Year - Joanna Rakoof (good)
• 33) Not That Kind of Girl - Lena Dunham (okay)
• 32) I'd Know You Anywhere - Laura Lippman (good)
• REREAD: Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn
• 31) The Weight of Blood - Laura McHugh (quite good)
• 30) Petals on the Wind - V.C. Andrews (an epic of awful)
• 29) Trust Your Eyes - Linwood Barclay (decent thriller))
• 28) Before We Met - Lucie Whitehouse (decent thriller)
• 27) The Cuckoo's Calling - Robert Galbraith (rather good)
• 26) Landline - Rainbow Rowell (not as good as her others)
• 25) The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry - Gabrielle Zevin (amazing!)
• 24) Where She Went - Gayle Forman (good)
• 23) Attachments - Rainbow Rowell (very pleasant & sweet)
• 22) Summer Home With Swimming Pool - Herman Koch (ugh)
• 21) If I Stay - Gayle Forman (good)
• 20) Reconstructing Amelia - Kimberly McCreight (I had issues w this book)
• 19) Maya's Notebook - Isabel Allende (good)
• 18) We Were Liars - E. Lockhart (excellent summer read)
• 17) All Fall Down - Jennifer Weiner (quite good)
• 16) Flowers in the Attic - V.C. Andrews (trashy throwback)
• 15) Mr. Mercedes - Stephen King (good)
• 14) Mrs. Hemingway - Naomi Wood (very good)
• 13) Eleanor & Park - Rainbow Rowell (excellent!)
• 12) What Kind Of Mother Are You? - Paula Daly (good)
• 11) Magnified World - Grace O'Connell (Toronto book!)
• 10) Under the Wide and Starry Sky - Nancy Horan (good)
• 9) After Her - Joyce Maynard (okay)
• 8) Return to Love - Marianne Williamson (very good)
• 7) Secret Shared - L. Marie Adeline (meh)
• 6) Labor Day - Joyce Maynard (quite good)
• 5) Crazy Town - Robyn Doolittle (page turner)
• 4) The Invention of Wings - Sue Monk Kidd (amazing)
• 3) Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alchol - Ann Dowsett Johnston (very well written)
• 2) Burial Rites - Hannah Kent (quite good)
• 1) The Rosie Project - Graeme Simsion (cute)

If I had to pick my five favourite books that I read in 2014, they would be:

The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd - This book is about Sarah Grimke, who becomes a feminist abolitionist in 19th century America.

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell - A heart-wrenching teenage love story set in the 1980s.

We Were Liars by E. Lockhart - A gothic YA novel with a twist.

Yes Please by Amy Poehler - If you don't already love Poehler, you will after reading her book.

Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay - An excellent and thought-provoking collection of essays on feminism, race, gender, pop culture, power, and privilege by a woman who is fast becoming one of my favourite writers, tweeters, and GoodReads friend.

Did you read any standout books in 2014?

2014 Concerts

For my archives.

A lean year for me; only 14 shows, and two were actually Hawksley Workman's one-man play.  I counted them as shows, because they felt that way to me.

Every show was really awesome though.  I managed to see Twin Forks three times, The Constantines twice, Sloan twice, and The National (or part of the band) twice.  Pretty good year.

• Nov 29th - Sloan @ Phoenix Concert Theatre
• Nov. 7th - Twin Forks @ Lee's Palace
• Oct 26th - LIGHTS @ Danforth Music Hall
• Oct 25 - Dream Serenade with Hayden, Feist, The National and more @ Massey Hall
• Oct. 3rd - The Constantines @ Danforth Music Hall
• Sept 13th - The God That Comes by Hawksley Workman @ The Stratford Festival
• July 8th - Twin Forks @ The Horseshoe Tavern
• July 6th - TURF w Neutral Milk Hotel, Jenny Lewis, Twin Forks, and more @ Fort York/Garrison Commons
• June 29th - The God That Comes by Hawksley Workman @ Tarragon Theatre (This is a play, but I'm counting it.)
• June 8th - Field Trip with Broken Social Scene @ Fork York/Garrison Commons
• June 5th - Sloan @ The Art Gallery of Ontario
• May 9th - Neko Case @ Massey Hall
• April 10th - The National @ Massey Hall
• Feb 19th - Blue Rodeo @ Massey Hall

Still, pretty good year.

I'm sitting here, home, after a very nice low-key New Year's.  I went out for dinner at a yummy Thai restaurant with my friends Elaine & Vern, went to see a movie (Into the Woods), and then had some New Year's drinks.  The movie ended exactly at 12 am, which was perfect for everyone in the theatre to shout "happy new year!"

Now I've got a record on, my little Christmas tree lit up, a glass of red wine, and a candle burning.

Whenever I reflect on a year that passed by, the song "Pretty Good Year" by Tori Amos pops into my head.  I think it sums up 2014 perfectly.  (Also, I didn't listen to nearly enough Tori in 2014.)



I accomplished some cool things in 2014.  I think I'm most proud of the half marathon that I ran in May. (And the two 10Ks and three 5Ks I ran too.)  However, that victory is a double-edged sword in that I burned out in the fitness area for the last half of 2014, and I feel that I need to re-commit to my health in 2015.  I miss running and training; my goals for 2015 are to train for a decent 5K in April, a 10K in May, and be back into half marathon shape by October.

On the travel side of things, 2014 was amazing.  London/Paris, St. Louis, my awesome solo Europe train trip (Prague, Vienna, Munich and Brussels) that finished with Claire's wedding in London, Florida, and Montreal.  I especially enjoyed the challenge and freedom of traveling by myself.  It worked out perfectly too since I met up with a friend in Brussels, and was of course surrounded by friends in London.  It was a great combo of being alone and happy, meeting up with friends, and exploring new places.

When it came to friends, 2014 was definitely the year of the wedding, and allowed me to celebrate with lots of friends.  I was a bridesmaid in two weddings, both which were great experiences (wearing the same dress too).  I also got to see a lot of faraway friends this year too.  I visited with my pals Matt from Winnipeg, AlieMalie from Missouri, Wes from Vancouver, and Claire from London on *two* occasions each which were awesome.  Also, I spent a lot of time with my good old pals from home.

Another notable thing from 2014 was baseball.  My pal Mathew totally helped me rekindle my childhood love of the Jays; it was helped by the fact the team had an outstanding month of May that raised hope for the rest of the season, and the fact that we went to a lot of games thanks to our flex packs.  I sit here now actually counting the days until Opening Day.

Professionally, I end another year being thankful for my job and how I am consistently blessed with lovely classes and students that I work with on extracurricular activities.  I celebrate ten years at my school in November.  My friend Elaine, also a teacher, commented on how I'm one of the happiest, most upbeat teachers that she knows, and I'm really thankful that I work in a community where I can stay inspired in a very challenging career. 

As I write all of this, I think that heck, 2014 was indeed a pretty good year, but I do know that I felt a little bit down and blah during maybe the last four months of the year.  However, I am optimistic for 2015, and I'm pretty sure that if I can return to a consistent exercise schedule and eating better, I'll feel better in 2015.  I also want to commit to having phone/Skype/Facetime convos more often with friends in the new year because I feel that social media gives the illusion that we are connected to our friends, but I could use more actual conversations with my friends.  I think that would also help alleviate any blahs.

So goodbye 2014, you were pretty good, and hello to 2015 - I hope you're even better!  Happy 2015 to you too!

Post Christmas post.

I layed low while I was home for Christmas. I needed sleep, OJ, and movies.  I showed up for all obligatory events (group of 9 dinner, family dinner, Christmas Mass) but can't say I possessed enough energy to do much else.

I'm healthier now. I came back late last night and had a Simpsons marathon with friends today.

Now I'm up late browsing library ebooks.

I read two dark books over the holidays.  Excellent books, both of them, but dark dark subject material.  Sometimes I find there is a correlation with good writing and dark material.  I guess that's the price you pay if you are discerning about your literary fiction.

I'll write more later.  Am I descending into summer vampirism's little sister - Chrismas break vampirism?