(Belated) Bachelorette Post #7

Last night I made social plans on Bachelorette night. Luckily, I had a super-fun time, so it was completely worth missing the show. Of course, I taped it as I promised, but I’m only getting around to watching it now ‘cuz I spent my day watching the Michael Jackson memorial and talking on the phone.

It’s a sub-average chilly day today, so perfect for staying in, eating grilled cheese sandwiches, and watching TV. I decided that I might as well tune into the MJ memorial because I was very curious to see it. My verdict: it was very tasteful, respectful, had some great performances and well… necessary. MJ was a star in a different time: his music was able to reach everybody, which I don’t think happens at all anymore in our segmented-internet-twittering society. I grew up on MJ. I am pretty sure that there is no contemporary artist that bridges so many gaps across age, race, nationality, etc. He was a great artist, a controversial figure, but still he managed to touch everyone with the cautionary tale that his life seemed to be. Yeah, there has been too much media coverage, as there is with any celebrity-related story or political scandal these days, but the memorial was completely appropriate for an entertainer of MJ’s stature, which we won’t see again and the fact that so many people have been entranced by this story proves to me that a good-bye was needed. When his little daughter spoke at the end, I cried. Most of all, I am sorry for his children’s and his family’s loss. At the end of the day, he was loved, and anyone who was loved deserves to be remembered.

ANYWAY, onto the Bachelorette on tape!

The show opens with a review of Jillian’s feelings for the final four (all of whom she’s crazy about), and with the ultimate question: “Will Jillian finally get rid of Wes?”

They are in Spain now. This show has a nasty carbon-footprint, eh? Each rejected bachelor should have to plant trees.

First up: Kiptyn. He says a proposal is far-off at this point. Jillian says she’s here to get engaged. Huh. Maybe some staged flamenco dancing will fix this philosophical rift.

Moped ride, kids talk, eating escargot, talk, talk, talk. Will they spend the night together? She rejects the idea because she’s not ready yet. But they do go “cuddle”.

Second: Reid. They go for a picnic. Oooooooooh, Jillian says “If Reid and I moved to Spain, I’d be so svelte and skinny because we couldn’t order food.” Like she’s not now? C’mon!

Talk, talk, talk. Reid has problems opening up. Yawn.

Dinner. More talk. Will they spend the night together? Declined again. Good girl, though. Four guys is too many.

Note: It’s so nice to fast-forward through “coming up next…” and commercials.

Third: Mr. Leave-Girl-for-Job-then-Return Ed. He couldn’t stop thinking about her when he returned back apparently. Now, they’ll talk alllllllll about it during a carriage-ride. Then they talk more and make out a lot. In a fountain even.

They walk into an old, beautiful building. Ed says “this place is 5000 years old.” Jillian: “Really?” Ed: “No.” Jillian: “I’m so gullible.” YEESH.

Now kid talk. He’s ready to have kids in 2-3 years. That’s what she likes to hear. Will she spend the night together? She declines, especially because she’s afraid he’ll leave again. But he says he’d like more time with him… she bites her nails. They go to the fantasy suite to “hang out”. HMMMMM. They’re going to sleep in their clothes and snuggle.

Fourth: Weasely Wes. He feels at home in Spain ‘cuz apparently one of his songs was #1 in Mexico. Eye-roll. Just leave him in Spain, I say. Maybe they'll like him.

Bike ride time. Then talk talk talk. Wes says all kinds of sweet nothings, but sits far apart from her and she feels no romance. Some more awkward moments, then Jillian calls it an afternoon.

Dinner time. Time for her to bring up the girlfriend thing. No girlfriend. What about the career? If he was here to sell records, he’d be gone. Why isn’t he showing her affection? More lame shifty answers. Oh, he’s sooooo not getting a fantasy sweet.

She brings up Laurel. He slips up and calls her his “girlfriend… I mean, ex-girlfriend.” Then the note about the fantasy suite is delivered with perfect timing. LOL He says “I think we should.” She puts him in a cab, but they’re still going to have a rose ceremony.

Kiptyn: “If it’s me boys, keep it real.” Wes “if it’s me, know I’ll be back home having lots of sex.” Poor Rilo wakes up when I scream. EWWWW. There goes any snack I plan on having. What an ASS. The rest should gang up on him and beat him to a pulp. Defend your woman boys!!!

Here she is. Call him out. Tell him off! C’mon Jillian! Don’t be nice to him!

First rose: Ed. Second rose: Reid. Wes whispers congratulations to Kiptyn. Third rose for him, of course. Now what’s going to go down?? Ahhh. I hope she tells the mofo off. She asks to walk him out. She holds his hand! I’d kick him. Or, better yet, I’d order a milkshake, have it delivered, and dump it on his head.

As if he gets a limo and that other nice dude was left on the tracks? And the scum points out he’s the first guy to make it to the final four with a girlfriend?? Then he disses the other dudes. I fucking hate him. I wonder if Jillian’s going to see his footage?

Awww, I like the other three. I call Ed for the win though.

Next week: They’re going to Hawaii. The carbon footprint gets worse. And they say the finale's in three weeks? Oh no! I'm going to be away. Sigh. I guess I'll find out the answer super late.