I'm up rather early on a Saturday morning, considering that I actually worked this week. I'm sitting here in my pjs, streaming the new Matt Good album. Back in high school, I did not like Matt Good's music. However, in my first year of university (11 years ago! I'm so getting up there..), I started to like a lot of the songs from the album Underdogs and picked it up, and listened to it on my discman (what's that?) constantly as I studied furiously for the tricky-woo courses (physics, chem, calc) that I had in first year. So basically, I cannot hear the song "Apparitions" without feeling like it's time to whip out my calculator and work on some equilibrium calculations.
Matt Good music I've found is pretty good music for any sort of thinking (at least for me). Right now I have a lot of thinking to do. Mainly about how much responsibility I want to take on at work this year. An opportunity for me to apply for a position of added responsibility at work has arisen, and my first reaction to applying for this was NO FREAKING WAY! However, in the past week I've been wavering on this. Maybe I should try it? It would only be for a year, but could continue. I wouldn't necessarily get it for sure. Other people could apply and could be picked over me. (I'd be completely offended if I applied and didn't get it.)
But my plate is very full. I have a new curriculum to teach, my class of special students that requires me to plan individually for each student, eco-club (of course... they've already been knocking at my door and I have a brand new initiative planned), helping out new teachers in my department (that always falls to me), and well, I've been roped into helping with another extra-curricular activity. (It was children who begged me about that one.)
Anyway, so yeah, another thing on my plate? I dunno, I dunno, I dunno! I'm very shocked that the "NO!" voice in my head has quieted a bit to a "WHY NOT?" So yeah, I really don't know what I'm thinking.
I'm also afraid that if I do pour more into my job, I'll end up having no energy for other things. My health kick will go by the wayside. I'll go out less. My job will be the complete centre of my life.
Will I lose a year? Will I turn down the path of workaholism?
Then I think about people who seem to have just as much on their plates as I would, and still have lives, and I think that if they can do it, I can do it.
Maybe I need a huge challenge. Maybe I was unchallenged, and that's why I've felt I've been in a rut this year. I've always flourished in situations where I push myself, so maybe it's time to push myself a bit more.
What I am thinking? What do I want? Usually I know what I want, but right now I don't.
I'll just keep listening to music, and do a lot of exercise this weekend, and maybe things will be clearer.
ps My classes are good so far.
4 comments:
Wow. Sounds a lot like my weekend, except no Matt Good (okay, what's the deal with Matt Good and why do only women like his stuff?).
Oh, and I've got to go to this birfday thing downtown. Yippee.
Hmm interesting dilemma. I think if this thing will opportunity will bring you joy and fulfillment than go for it but if it's just going to be a big stressful situation don't do it.
Yea....I'm totally working from home right now on the weekend. The very nice sunny weekend. Ah boo.
I like the why not voice. It' a good thing. I'm with rawbean - if it's a good change and a challenge, then go Christy! If not, then turn it down. Good luck, clever girl!
Cxx
"Why not" is pretty cool. It's fast becoming a favourite phrase of mine.
Also thanks for your comments on ym recent blog. It meant a lot.
I'm glad classes are good so far.
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